He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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