When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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