there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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