i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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