i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
