ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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