all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
