Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
