I think I won the penis lottery.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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