The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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