Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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