Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
