I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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