Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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