The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
