I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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