I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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