I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
