The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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