Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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