margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
