please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize