I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This is my gift to your gina
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
