me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
