Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
