Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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