As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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