Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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