one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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