I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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