hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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