It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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