but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
