just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
what day is it and did you see me today?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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