mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
