There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
