Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize