well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
