Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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