Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
