I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
