Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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