You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
