It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
