no, he came in my armpit
People in love make me want to vomit
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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