I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
