it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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