i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
