a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
