Fine. I'll sleep in my office
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
