please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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