I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
