I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
