Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
