she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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