I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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