"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
