dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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