the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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