I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
