this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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